


dazed & confused

by lovelyethereal



Series: Stenbrough Fics [6]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, bev is a queen, i don’t have a problem with beverly i just needed the angst, jealous stan, relationships, stan is gay for bill, stan is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyethereal/pseuds/lovelyethereal
Summary: Stanley Uris has a really big secret; he’s really gay and has a thing for Bill Denbrough. The problem? Bill is dating Beverly Marsh.





	dazed & confused

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry if you find any spelling or grammar errors. I didn’t proofread this, but if you do find one please just don’t say anything.

Stanley Uris always played by the rules, never strayed from the path that he laid out in front of him. Alongside it, he saw his future. He would finish school in Derry, move away to somewhere far, perhaps California, start his career, and marry a nice jewish woman and start their family. It was the life his parents wanted for him. He didn't see anything wrong with it. The plan was neat and organized to his liking, it was solid. Stan intended to follow the outline of his future like it was a compass, until two summers ago.

He had been told his whole life about everything he was supposed to care for. What clothes he should wear, who he should like, what he should believe in. His dad often asked about when he planned on bringing a nice girl home. Stan never bothered to give a definitive answer. He knew it was just another ploy for his father to disapprove of his choices.

He thought he liked Greta Bowie in the seventh grade after he thought she smiled at him in 3rd period English. He spent the next week convincing himself that he liked her so he could feel just a little normal. After a month of attempting to induce his mind with idea, he gave up trying to find redeemable qualities in Greta that might have the potential to be considered lovable. The reality of it all was that Greta wasn't a nice person.

In ninth grade he thought he might have liked Emma Krause, a tenth grader that wore knee length pleated pastel skirts with collared shirts tucked into the waist. He slowly began to realize that he only thought he liked her simply because her style was similar to his own, along with her personality.

As time went on, Stan began to realize that dating just wasn't his thing. All of his friends had crushes on other people while he kept his focus on school and his friendships. That is until his friend Beverly told him that she had started dating Bill Denbrough, his best friend. He suddenly felt jealous but quickly shrugged it off and blamed it on being single and alone. He hates the thought of the two of them together and to make matters worse, he had to sit in his envious state while they flaunted their new relationship in his face.

The bitch of it all was having to listen to Beverly drone on and on about what an amazing boyfriend Bill was to her. The jealousy built in the pit of Stan's stomach as he held onto his books, clutching them so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Eddie adored the new couple and listened in awe next to Stan who rolled his eyes.

"His eyes aren't even his best feature, though. I mean, his lips, and his personality-"

"We get it. You're in love with Bill. Can we _please_ talk about anything else?" Stan snapped one day at the lunch table. He felt a small pang of guilt ring in his chest, but brushed it off swiftly because he was annoyed at the situation. Why couldn't he have what they had? Why did it annoy him so much that his friends were happy?

"Jeez, Stan. That was uncalled for." Eddie said but Stan only gathered the books he brought in with him and left the cafeteria.

Two months after Bill and Bev came forward with their relationship, Eddie and Richie showed up at the quarry together sporting matching hickeys and interlocking fingers. Stan thought that hearing about their new love would cause the same conflict as it did with Beverly and Bill but it didn't. He was as happy as he could be for them and overall was relieved that the tension could finally end.

The real dilemma was that Stan never felt that kind of affection for anyone other than the one person he knew he could never have. It tore him apart, but he still feigned happiness around Bill and Beverly although Bev saw right through it.

One night in late June, the kids had all decided to stay over at Richie's house while his parents were away at a conference for the weekend. They were watching reruns of old shows on the television in Richie's living room when he disappeared for five minutes and returned with a bottle or whiskey that appeared to be half gone and a bottle of tequila with about a quarter of the substance left inside.

"Lady and gentlemen, I present to ye: booze, straight from the tavern." Around the room there were many sighs of gratitude and a grunt from Eddie who rarely drank the stuff. They took turns passing the bottles around and it was only a matter of time before the bottle of whiskey was being nudged into Stan's line of sight. Next to him, Ben smiled and tilted the bottle from to side slightly, the liquid sloshed around inside and Stan felt his heart beating faster.

He was usually never one to drink, he saw what it did to his friends when the drank it but something tempted him. "Go on, Stanny, have at it." Richie said from across the room before ceremoniously lifting the bottle of tequila and pressing it to his lips, taking a swig from the bottle. The voice in Stan's head told him not to do it, maybe it was his subconscious, but something else said yes, that it would help him feel better. There was also something off putting about the fact that they were all drinking from the same bottle, probably backwashing some of it back into bottle. He tentatively reached out and took hold of the bottle, the more influential voice obviously being the latter. He used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe off the rims of the bottle then raised it to his lips, ignoring the gazing eyes on him from around the room. It was a rare sight to see Stan do anything that was wrong or out of character.

He tilted to bottle back and felt it slip into his mouth and knew there was no going back. He took one drink, then another, then another, chasing the burning sensation that came with them. He stopped after five or six and handed the bottle back to Ben. Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. He felt warm and comfortable like wrapping up in a blanket after being out in the cold for too long.

He laid down, head resting on the pillow he brought from home and shut his eyes until his mind became foggy and he was thinking about nothing and everything all at the same time. He wasn't sure how long he laid there, maybe a few minutes, maybe twenty but he felt the earth stop. The voices around him ceased (or he just couldn't hear them) and he felt like he was flying. He thought about different foods and drinks that sounded amazing at the time and the fiery red of Bill's hair.

And he thought about Bill.

 _Bill, Bill, Bill_... Bill was, in a word, extraordinary. At least to Stan he was. He was brave and caring and kind and he didn't take shit from anyone. His eyes always found a way to entrance Stan. The kindness and vulnerability locked in amidst the brown. Stan wondered what Bill would smell like. He imagined he might smell like outdoors and old books, with a dash of his dad's cologne. He finally opened his eyes and the world was bright again due to the lamps being turned on and it was loud. So, _so_ unbelievably loud. Stan sat up and looked around the room. Richie was standing on the couch cushions, practicing his shitty impressions. Eddie was sitting on the couch adjacent to that, sitting quietly and watching Richie to make sure he didn't do a nosedive off the couch.

Mike was in the kitchen throwing ice into a blender along with some milk and what looked like cottage cheese. Ben was in the kitchen with Mike but he was laying on his back on the kitchen floor, staring at the ceiling. Back in the living room, Beverly was sitting on the floor and listening to all of Richie's impressions and laughing like a hyena. As for Bill, he was no where to be seen.

Stan started to stand up, grabbing onto the entertainment stand for support. He heard Richie call out: "Hey, Stan the Man! Welcome to this'ere party! Hope we didn't wake ya!" He transitioned between three different accents as he talked and Stan ignored him. He grabbed the nearly empty bottle of tequila and began to descend the hall. Stan stumbled at first, using the wall to catch his fall and followed his feet as they wandered. He didn't know what lured him down the hall, maybe intuition, but his feet carried him into a bedroom that he hoped wasn't Richie's. He shut the door behind him and went to sit on the bed. It must have been a guest room, Stan thought, due to the fact that it was impeccably neat and tidy, paintings of old buildings and different scenes from nature plastered on the walls.

He tilted the bottle back and winced at the burn. Behind him the door creaked as it was pushed open, Eddie stood in the doorway. Stan looked toward him and raised the bottle while smiling a little. "Hey, Eddie."

"Hey." The smaller teen replied before entering the room quietly and promptly closing the door. "How are you doing?" Stan scoffed at the question and took another drink. He couldn't stop the thought that Bill might be in the living room now, with Beverly, cuddled together on the floor watching Richie's lame attempt at stand-up comedy. It pained him. He knew it was ridiculous to pine over someone who was obviously not interested but here he was, doing exactly that.

"I'm great, Eddie. I'm fucking fantastic." Stan stood from the bed and stumbled over to the wooden desk in the corner, setting the bottle down. "I have a secret, you know. I've been very good about hiding it, I think. I wanna tell you but you have to promise me... that you won't tell _anybody_ else." His speech was slurred, giving his s's a 'sh' sound and elongating some of his words. Eddie sat down on the bed.

"I promise." He replied lamely. Stan wandered over to the bed again and flopped onto his stomach.

"So, you like Richie. That's great you know and I'm _super_ happy for you. And Bill likes Beverly and I just... don't understand. What's so great about Bev, anyway? Sure, she's pretty but is that enough? I... I could be good enough, I think. Don't you think, Eddie?" The latter is staring at Stan, confused as hell and filled with questions.

The first one to leave his mouth is: "Good enough for Beverly?" He knows it's a stupid question but he couldn't be certain that Stan wasn't tricking him into thinking he didn't like Bev. Stan shakes his head and stares up at the ceiling.

" _No._ " There's a silence and then Eddie blinks a few times as if trying to see more clearly and then it hits him.

"Stan, do you like Bill?" Eddie asks timidly and Stan nods, covering his face with his sweater clad arms. He sighs shakily into them and replaces his arms with his hands. "Have you told anyone else? Your folks?"

"No. I had to be sure and I am now. But I... _can't_ tell my parents. My dad will definitely have my head if he finds out his only son is gay." Stan is sitting up now and breathing heavily into his hands. "Besides, it doesn't really matter, does it? Because Bill is dating Bev."

"You know," Eddie began, tentatively reaching out to place his hand on Stan's back in a comforting gesture. "I support you, and I'm here for you if you need me." He smiled and Stan cracked one as well, laughing airily as Eddie slowly wrapped his arms around Stan. Stan accepted the comfort and shifted his body into a better position. "And as far as Bill goes, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but a few days ago, he told me that he broke up with Beverly." Stan's head shot up and he seemed to perk up.

"Really?" His eyes were bright again and yet he felt slightly guilty for feeing this happy over his friends's breakup. Surely Beverly wasn't feeling that great after the breakup, after all he hadn't been the best friend during their relationship. "Why?" Eddie shrugged.

"Something about how he likes someone else." There was a slight smile in the his voice that Stan neither heard nor saw, if he had seen it maybe he would've perked up a bit more. But Eddie never told him that the certain someone was him.

Two weeks after the overnight at Richie's, Bill and Beverly came forward to the other losers and told them about the breakup. Mike and Ben were shocked but from what Stan saw, Ben seemed to be relieved as well, breathing out a noticeable sigh of relief. Eddie winked in Stan's direction and Stan flared as if to tell him to shut up and that no one else knew.

Another month passed before Stan finally felt comfortable enough to tell the other losers that he was gay. They handled it pretty well, better than he anticipated, but usually everything turned out better in real life than in his head. He had the support he needed from his friend and that was all he wanted at the moment. He also apologized to Beverly for treating her so poorly during the duration of her and Bill's relationship to which she mentioned that she could feel that there was something unspoken between he and Bill. She was very caring and supportive and even encouraged Stan to ask Bill out.

One fateful afternoon, Bill Denbrough approached the Uris household in his old beat up Chrysler, striding up to the front door and knocking with confidence. His actions portrayed this unmistakable confidence while his face screamed stress and anxiety. He planned to ask Stan out on a date, a date that consisted of bird-watching, of course, and possibly a drive-in movie.

Ever since the beginning of his relationship with Beverly, he had known something felt off. Whenever they kissed, he found himself thinking about anything to get him going since the girl in front of him wasn't doing it. She was beautiful and he admired how she walked with such confidence but there was nothing truly there. Whenever they held hands, he often found excuses to let go. It sounded pretty harsh when he thought about it too long but it was all leading up to the moment he was currently chasing. And so, now he would ask Stanley out on a date. He had a plan.

At least he thought he did.

It wasn't until Stan answered the front door in sweats that he realized just how unprepared he was. The look was so uncharacterically Stan that it threw him off and he was left standing on the porch of the Uris's home with his mouth hanging open. Stan's mouth was moving but all Bill could hear was a cartoon " _wah wah_ ".

"Bill?" Stan was staring at him now with a rather unamused expression.

"Hm? O-oh, s-s-sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and tried to remember why he had come over. "I w-wanted to ask you something, St-Stanley." Stan nodded and pushed the door open a little more, allowing him inside. They headed up to Stan's room and it had Bill seriously considering how he had left his that morning.

"So, what's going on Bill?" Stan sat down on the edge of his bed and watched as Bill struggled to find the words that he'd been practicing the whole ride over.

"S-so, there c-comes a time in everyone's l-luh-life when they have epiphanies, r-right? So my ep-epiph-any was that I d-don't like who I th-thought I did. I always th-thought that I liked g-g-girls, maybe it was b-because I thought I had to, based on h-how people are treated around here, but I think d-d-deep down I always knew that I liked b-boys. M-more specifically wuh-one b-b-boy." Stan's heart was pounding deep and hard in his chest, about ready to burst. "S-Stan, would y-you like to go o-out on a date with m-m-me?"

The latter leaped off of the bed and wrapped his hands around the back of Bill's neck and pressed their foreheads together. "Of course." He smiled one of the cheesiest but most genuine smiles that he could manage and pressed his lips to Bill's fiercely. He had been waiting for this moment for such a long time that he was going to waste even more time contemplating whether or not he should. And he wasn't going to complain about the end result since Bill was kissing him back with as much passion as he could manage.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm sorry.


End file.
